Title : Boundaries, where you end and I begi
Author :: Anne Katherine
Publisher :: simon & schuster
Rating ::   (out of 5)
Recommendation :: Don't agree with some things but there's lots to learn from this book

:: Full Review
I love books and if I had it my way, I would spend every single cent I own on books alone. I would walk around with a book in hand. I would read while I eat, read while there's a commercial break, read while my computer programs are loading or saving...etc.

I bought this book, Boundaries, not because I was sexually abused as a child or was neglected. I bought it because I was in a hurry to leave the store and it looked interesting.

I never really knew there were so many boundaries in my life! From reading this book alone, I have learned quite a couple of odd lessons here and there - like my boss used to invade my personal space in the office and that sometimes I am clingy to my children (not the other way around) because I depend on them. According to Anne Katherine, that's not a healthy relationship. I also learnt about the needs to be emotionally there for my children as a superior source of comfort and guidance.

Some of the things she mentioned in her book are really real, like relationships and the need for emotional, physical, spiritual and mental boundaries in order for the relationship or marriage to survive. There are some truly touching stories about women, mostly, who have been through a varying amount physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abondement.

Throughout the book, she pummels it into the head of the reader that no one is in control of your body, your thoughts and feelings but you. And it's important to stress this fact to everyone around us. To people who try to invade our personal space. For instance, there was this guy who THOUGHT I was interested in him while he was trying to sell me a membership to a book club thinghy. I was friendly and too pleasant when I was telling him 'no'. He took it the wrong way and called me (we exchanged cards) and said that he KNEW I was interested in developing a relationhip. He also knew I was married and that I had kids.

My efforts to gently tell him that he got it the wrong way proved futile. He didn't get it - well, he either didn't ot refused to.

But after reading this book, I realized that he was trying to influence me into thinking that he could give me something more than my husband could. He asked about my kids, my husband (who works away from me) and my family situation. Under normal circumstance, I would have unwillingly given up some previous information about myself and my family but after reading this book, I decided that he had NO RIGHT to such information. I felt that I had the right to inform him that he was overstepping some very personal space. And I did! And boy, it felt good that I did. I felt terrible to have to tell him so non-chalantly that I wasn't interested in developing a 'relationship' but I felt better about myself.

Anne Katherine also talked about violation of trust as a violation of boundaries, especially in the physical form. Betrayal, according to the author, can come in many forms. Telling of a sacred secret, sexually abusing a child, telling on another person, infidelity...etc.

The only thing that I found that I could not agree with was when she said that we had to draw a line, even as a superior or person in power. When you're someone's physician or doctor, you cannot and should not allow yourself to be too personal with a patient or paying customer. It seems a little too rigid to me. A clergyman is not allowed or should not be too personal with the people he comes into contact with? A boss not allowed to go out and eat lunch with his subordinates? That, maybe, is carrying it too far. Appears that having too rigid boundaries will inevitably make that person a very lonely and unhappy one.

This book is a worthwhile read if you're like me, want to read anything under the sun or wish to find your own boundaries. This book is rather hard to find these days because it may be out of print. But if you want it, amazon.com have a wonderful selection of such out-of-print books.

:: Boundaries: where you end and I begin - Anne Katherine