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Birthday Boys :: 1st April 2004

I still can't believe it even as I keep wishing my kids, Joshua and Jared, Happy Birthday, squealing with delight at midnight while my boys look at me with a peculiar look on their faces. But the terror that rages through their blood is only temporary as they watch their mother wave a cane in the air in triumph like she just won a lottery strike or something.

They burst in merry laughter as they suddenly realized that they can take full opportunity of the chance to ask for anything they want while their mother is jingling with delectation and ecstasy that her sons have finally…well, grown up.

I still can't come to terms with the age of my boys, truly can't because how can Joshua be already 4-years-old when he is still clinging to me during a thunderstorm? How can Jared be 2-years-old already when he is still breastfeeding like crazy? I mean, this doesn't make a lot of sense, surely, I must be delusional. Parenting or being a parent is a lot like that, it sometimes makes you feel like Mahatma Ghandi and then the next moment, you can feel like a total loser.

As a drive past the hospital that I have birth to Jared (it's near our house) today, I had this urge to drive past the gate. So, I made an impulsive turn and drove to the front gate. Ah well, since I am already at the front gate, why shouldn't I just drive into the parking lot where I always parked when I had to visit Jared in the hospital for the bout of Jaundice that he had? Nothing. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. And since I am already in the parking lot and there are a few parking areas available, might as well just park the car. There. Eh, since I have already parked my car here, might as well get off and go inside.

In the end, I made a quick rounding of the hospital that I got so familiar with for about 2 weeks before and after I gave birth to precious little Jared and Doctor gave me the bad news that his Jaundice was worse than we initially thought it was. I even visited the "Special Care Nursery" where he called home for 12 days. It brought back a flood of memories and it made my eyes water. Damn the hospital.

I still remember the time I was finally allowed to bring my baby home with me and he had blue-black marks around and under his eyes cause of the COTTON they had around his eyes because of the UV rays. And I thought cotton was SOFT.

And while I was out getting presents for my kids, we visited an old park that me an Joshua visited lots of time before…before kakak and before Jared. It was always the 2 of us against the rest of the world! You know, the omnipotent feeling of being able to conquer the world as long as we stand together? Yeah, that feeling. There was also this time that I took Josh out with me shopping, just the 2 of us…AGAIN, and I realized that I forgot to bring the house keys with me and couldn't get into the house. While waiting for daddy to come back home to our rescue, we fed mosquitoes outside on the lawn and ate chocolate biscuits, and drank orange juices. He walked around in the lawn stark naked cause I didn't have another diaper with me as a spare and he's already wet his pants (he was not even 2 at the time).

Man, those were the days. Those REALLY were the days.

This birthday? We're not having a party, like last year. I just don't feel that we should make a big deal out of it YEAH RIGHT!! Infact, I am going to make a damn big deal out of it because everything that my little boys' hearts desires, I am ready to give it to them.

For instance, Josh woke up in the morning and I wished him a Happy Birthday…YET AGAIN. He then said, "I got present?". I smiled and nodded my head with a sheepish smile on my face, I asked him, "But I already got you your present, you picked it out yourself andd it already, didn't you?" He smiled and said, "Yeah. I got Dominoes but mom?" "yeah?" "I want another present?"

I pretended to be shocked with the notion, and said "Well, I guess 1 more present won't hurt, huh? What do you want?"

"I want chocolate sticks!", he said gleefully, rubbing his hands together like man being granted 3 wishes for his birthday and saying it aloud infront of a magical genie.

I laughed, of course. Sure, at least it's not a Yatch or a Car or Egad, a PS2!!! Chocolate sticks, Josh, sure thing. That, I can afford. And after school, true to my words, I got him choc sticks and my son was even more delighted than the time I presented him with his Dominoes set.

As for Jared, he doesn't understand yet that when mommy acts hysterical infront of him singing the Birthday song for the thousandth time that she is wishing with all her heart that she could give her little baby more….and she would give anything to see him happy for the rest of his life.

I guess the birthday actually means more to me now than to them, at this point in time. By preteen, they will want more. When they hit teenhood, their girlfriends can have the responsibility of giving them the gifts they want….decent gifts, I am hoping.

:: Marsha ::