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Doing the right thing :: 3rd April 2004

You know how it is when you're tearing around the house blindly, not knowing EXACTLY what you're doing but just doing things from the top of your head, ticking off the list of invisible to-dos in your head. And then you stop and wonder, "Did I do things right? Let's go back and do it all over again to make sure I did things right".

Well, some 2 or maybe 3 years ago, I was wondering if I would ever get out of the knot that I was in. As a parent, I thought myself nothing less than a complete failure simple because everyone around the house seems to think that Joshua's 'unpleasant' nature can be attributed to my tendency to pamper and spoil him. I was thinking that maybe..well, just maybe, I took all this positive parenting thing a little bit too far. Did I spoil Josh? Is this what spoiling is? Did I really think cuddling was a good way to calm down his nerves when he's having a tantrum? Should I just whip out a ladle from the kitchen and whack his sweet behind with it? Should I, should I, should I..... but....those darn parenting experts on the Internet! They conned me into thinking that I was doing the right thing! And oh, gosh, those books! Man, the books should be made illegal cause look what they did to Josh! Burn them, burn them, burn them!!

I was out walking innocently with Joshua (I was about maybe 6 months pregnant with Jared) one evening and he was having a great time making a new collection of flowers and leaves - I mentally prepared myself for sleeping with leaves in my hair - but that didn't happen. There was this 'auntie' who was just walking past. At that precise moment, Josh decided to have a hissy fit there because one of the leaves won't keep PILED on top of the huge pile of leaves and flora & faunas in his arms. I explained to him that when you pile something so light so high in your arms, some are bound to fall off. I did this the way the books said I should, softly, gently, and yet with a tinge of assertiveness and factually. But nope, my son wouldn't have it cause the leaves stay together or mom can bet her bottom dollar the boy is going to fall apart.

It sorta reminds me of the "Titanic Movie", "you jump, I jump", you know. The leaves fall, Josh falls apart as well.

Needless to say, my explaination about those leaves were not acceptable by his 'almighty' standards and I was left gaping at him while he grappled and ate dust on the ground in full view of the auntie whom I said was walking past. To this very day, I can still remember what she looked like when she was walking past.

Her eyes were saying, "Gosh, are you that boy's mother. We should put the both of you into a blender together with some tomatoe sauce and onion cause you guys ROT!"

Thankfully, Josh has reached a stage whereby he WANTS to do the right thing! I am not a Christian but HALLELUJAH! I never thought this was possible, I mean, MY JOSH? Want to do the right thing? Who's Josh is this? I want my Josh? I don't want this Josh, I want the mind-blowingly irresponsible, temper-throwing and unreasonable one - yeah, that's MY JOSH. You can have THIS JOSH back.

But of course, I didn't do that. His new temperament and new-found....how do you even call this...this new phase that he's going through is more than welcome, really. He also knows he can hold me against my own words.

As a work at home person, I have to keep the computer free for my work during the day, so, whenever Josh asks to play with the computer daytime, I will tell him, "When the sun goes down and it's night time, you can play with the computer" and by golly, he has a good memory for these kind of things. If you promised him absent-mindedly, you'd better scramble around to make sure you keep your promises cause MY JOSH can remember things you promised him, candy bars, chocolate after lunch, ice-cream after dinner, raisins after homework done...etc. You sometimes say things to distract the fella from throwing a massive tantrum and then he makes you keep your word.

Then there's the 'shouldn't-we-do-this' thing that I am trying to get used to. Sometimes, I am tearing around doing things without thinking - yes, that's really quite typical of me. More than 1 person in this house will gladly testify to this, so, Josh has come to the conclusion that he should remind mommy about the way things should be done.

And he's also always trying to make sure he's doing the right thing. Like after eating a cupcake, he would turn around doe-eyed and ask me, "After eating, we must wash our hands, yeah?" and I nod my head, "Yup, after eating, we must wash our hands". He walks over to the basin and washes his hands, then he turns around and ask me, "Washing hands must use soap, yeah?". I nod my head in agreement again and offer him an encouragement, "Good boy, Josh. You're absolutely right!".

Then after rubbing his hands and fingers raw, he looks over at me and ask me, "After put soap, we must wash again, yeah?". Yeah....and this can go on, I am warning you.

But this goes to show that he is trying to do the right things. He knows he should pee before he goes to bed - and amazingly, he nods off almost immediately after he takes a leak in the bathroom! I mean, it's like a signal or something. He feels himself nodding off and he trots on over to the bathroom to empty his bladder first, you know...

I am not complaining about this affirmation-seeking creature that I now call my son, I am more than pleased that I can go back to the auntie who was giving me the look and shove something up somewhere, you know what I mean? And thankfully, I don't have to sue anyone for giving me wrong advice about parenting. I am just glad I rode this through and made it this far.

:: Marsha ::