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Guardian Angel ::

The time I have been dreading for months on end has finally arrived. There's barely 10 days more before it will come slap me in the face. Life will change dramatically for me and the kids. Our household will be more chaotic and yet be of less cheer once this takes place. Kakak is leaving us....

I tried to console myself that things would be OK and that once the trying period that I project to last no more than 3 weeks would eventually fade and we will all fall into a new pattern and the kids would stop missing her so much - but I would miss the younger version of me too. It's amazing what having a maid can do to a perfectly capable and adept mother and woman. Before she came into our lives, we were doing perfectly fine. Me and Joshua, we were like this (linking fingers). Jared has never seen a day without his kakak around, so, it would be a big shock for the little guy.

She provided us more than her assistance in terms of cleaning the house, the room, feeding the kids, cooking the food, doing the laundry, folding the clothes, sweeping the floor....etc. She does more than that. Joshua : Kakak is also his tuition teacher who does a better job at reminding him about his homework and checking his work than me. She is also his moderator, his assistant, his fetchdog, milk maker and sometimes they are best friends wrestling with each other infront of the lawn. When mommy has had a late night working at home, kakak cycles Joshua to school and takes the effort to remind mommy about the notes the teachers have handed to Joshua.

Jared :: To Jed, I think kakak is like a mommy no. 2. A backup, a spare tire. Gee, sometimes I wonder who's the spare tire cause Jed sometimes makes me feel like his personal....well, cow. He runs to me with his arms wide hugs me and tugs at my blouse to feed on me. And when he's done with this brown cow, he runs back to kakak who reads to him in her half-filled-glass English. She is always there for him, while I am not always there. I could be there but I am not really there, you get the situation. This is the way it works for a work at home mom.

And like I said, Jared has never seen a day without shouting for kakak to come to his rescue for anything. It's like his natural reaction. When he's in trouble, he shouts for kakak first (even if I was sitting right there infront of him) - if there isn't an answer THEN he shouts for mommy. I watched in disdain but really, who can blame the guy?

Mommy :: To me, kakak helps me do everything I don't want to do...someone (suspectfully Jared) threw something (it was a cup and a toy car) into the toilet bowl one day and we couldn't flush the toilet properly. Daddy has been complaining about it for a month and mommy lives with it cause she ain't gonna do anything that involves a toilet bowl. So, kakak does it. Kakak also fills in for me when I can't wake up in the morning, when I go out at night. She's my friend too cause I could just go down and ramble on and on about how ridiculous my clients can be to her and she would just smile or nod her head.

People tell me that we (the family) have been really blessed and lucky to have a kakak like her and I nod my head. We HAVE been lucky. But it all didn't start off on the right foot. Infact, we were on the verge or sending her back to her home within the first 2 weeks of employing her! But 3 years later, I wish she could stay here forever and keep on picking up the pieces for me.

I don't know what it would be like without her yet and I think it could be messy for a while. I suppose we will eventually slid into a pattern of our own without her. She would be back home studying or running her own business by then. She would get a boyfriend of her own and maybe, soon, she would get married and find a reasonable job in her home town doing factory work or other things. But gee, it's kind of hard to imagine what it would be like without her at this moment.

One of the best things about kakak is that she knows what I want before I say anything. It's like we could speak to each other without saying a single word. Many people, including my own mother, tells me that. When I ask her to do something, she would have done it 3 minutes ago. I am sure she does not agree with everything that I say and do but it is comforting to know that she will stand by my side regardless of how wrong I could be.

Before we got this close to THE DAY, I was still hoping that she would change her mind. I didn't really want to buy her air ticket for her, for I was still hoping that she would tell me that she is not going home after all. Resisting change is not a good idea. Everything changes and she has to live her own life. In fact, she needs to go back home and finish her high school, like what her daddy says she should do.

But heck, we're gonna sorely miss her and I think she will miss the kids like crazy too.
:: Marsha ::